Troubled Mind

Troubled it is called, when the mind starts and constantly unruly. Freedom from tyranny of troubled mind seems very far fetched for now. Though the logic mind once in a while tried to overpower, that it feels like series of courageous battle between Lucifer and angelic thoughts. Both are hungry for territories. The intensity correlates directly to the severity of the pain to suffer on. This intermitten pain is unbearable at most of the times.

How I wish I could literally disappear, 
slowly then forgotten. 

There are times I would rather dissapear, but sadly it's easy if I'm a cigarette that once burnt, smoked and I'll be gone forever, or a toothpaste once used I'll be out of sight of everyone, or perhaps the beautiful mists at the top of green lusty hills at dawn, that glimpse of sunrise shooed away it's existence slowly and forever, it won't be the same the next day and days to come because it will be different mists altogether. My God! this pain is excruciating. Trying to close my eyes for some sleep invites the battle to continue and intensify.

What else can I do?

At this hour, before this hour and the hours after this, I have my masks on, I had my masks on and I know i'm going to continue putting on my masks of being normal, untroubled mind.

Blessings (By: Nonong)

The feeling and thought
Seems comforting
Seems easing
Seems consoling
To the heart and mind

Though, there are times
The reasoning thought of it
Weighing values
Weighing purpose
Weighing reasons
That subsequently
Shedding light of gratitude
In yours truly heart and mind

Once in a while
The reasoning thought
Of its existence
Stood up as an arbitrator
In midst of intense battle
Between the positives and the negatives

What more I could ask for
Count my blessings
and
Be grateful

Questioning; Me, Myself and I (By: Nonong)

Me, myself and I
Like three stooges
Minus the laughable demeanor
Making fool at times
Most of the time
Amazingly stubborn

Me, myself and I
Making conversation
Really mostly questioning
With the words
What?
Why?
When?
Who?
And the popular one
The
HOW?
With countless appearance
Of the word
CONFUSE

Followed by the phrase
NUNU NOPOH BOH

Worry Worries (By: Nonong)

It feels heavy
Heart beating fast
Mind thinking fast
On matters appearing
Like and it seems
Shooting new branches
Of thoughts like bulbs
Was here and then
Switched on
Now shinning darked
Pathway of matters
Was here and then
Switched off
Now darken
Pathway of matters

Mind confused
Heart still heavy
Mind restless
Heart aching
Then
Heart crying
impregnant with
Compelling desires
Crying for solutions

Screaming inside
No one listening
No one could be bothered
Am I alone?
One moment
It feels punishment
Question lingers
Are these sent from above
Lessons by The Almighty

Pray, pray and pray
Relaxed body, mind and soul
Are what want for now
For tonight

Monday Blues (By: Nonong)

Monday blues,
Named as culprit,
Moody Monday morning,
Seems at favour,
Cheers and greetings,
Sound cold unreal,
Silently yet loudly proclaiming,
I'm here,
Everyone is here,
Because,
Monies are here,
Food are here,
Children educations are here,
Family health are here,
Family safety are here,
Here lies the word survival,
Accepted ones,
By at large,
Unanimously accepted.

Deep down in each,
Each single heart,
Lies ambition,
Wishful thinking,
To be freed,
Away from,
These cuffs of responsibilities,
To claim freedom,
As how it should be.

Smiles and laughters,
Put forward,
Visual shields,
To conceal unhappiness,
For some, subconsciously,
Have been creating,
A statue made of,
Hardened dusts of unhappiness,
Immune to very own feelings,
Surrendering to circumstances.

What ever it is,
Live life how it is,
For now.

Nonong (By: Nonong)

(Note: This poem was written by me in July 2007, glad to have found this saved in my almost forgotten disk.)

Don't you know?

The day you were counted on Earth,

There were joyful and blissful faces,

Surrounded you a tiny newborn,

It was you,

Eyes can hardly see,

Lovingly wrapped,

Precious and impeccable,

A gift from The Almighty.

Then,

You had,

Crawled to the strength of your hands and feet,

You had,

Walked to the determination of you heart,

You had,

Cried to your believes of achieving,

Perseverance had embedded in you.

Sadly now, 

After many years gone by,

Leaning and relying on your feet,

Why, it comes to you now,

Hope and strength no more to be seen,

Life you perceived hopeless and sad.

Awake! this is just nonsense you creates,

Open your heart,

Seek your mind,

Proclaims who and what you deserved,

To be the one you should become.

Sleep and idle no more,

The morning light is seeping through the windows,

And it continues shining,

No matter what, how and why,

Of questions lingering,

Experience and enjoy your existence,

While you are able and kicking.

Idle (By: Nonong)

Yesterday and today,
Saturday and Sunday,
In a relationship with IDLE,
Somehow feels trapped,
In this space of Love-Hate relationship,
It's a bliss at one moment,
Yet, another moment,
It's a waste of time.

Did I choose to,
Did I ask for it,
Did I create this,
Did I want this,
Did I?
Yes and no,
But, as time goes by,
It's still feels a waste of time.

Mind wandering,
What If,
I could have been,
Be productive,
Satisfied,
And fulfilled,
Oh, what a waste says me,
But it's the end of Sunday.

Though a wishful thought,
Lingering the words,
I wish it can be changed,
Regrets engulfing thought,
Wish and wish,
Only wish.

Nonong,
Get over it,
And no more wasting time,
Next week.

Gratitude (By: Nonong)

It comes to my front,

That it spells abundance,

The more you practice,

The more abundance come,

Channels, 

Medium,

Transporting,

What you want,

Your desires,

To the mother of universe,

To get it be heard and listened,

And to give what you deserved.

My heart beating fast,

Can be this the answer?

My mind thinking possibilities,

Singing the optimism

Yet struggling to ignore the pessimism,

How can it be as easy as that,

Negativity crawling mercilessly,  

Claiming territory,

Expanding invasion.

My mind says stop,

Stop and stop,

Think what's the best, 

The best for me,

It's worth trying says her,

Start something for something,

Significant and satisfying,

Give it a try,

Don't give a damn to pessimism.

Adversity (By: Nonong)

Reality has it,
Real hard time is its synonym,
Really got me this time around,
Feeling down, hurt and dismay

How could I cope with it?
Can't bear with it any longer,
Why on earth it happens to me?
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
An answer to ease this pain, where could it be?

Oh God! How long it going to last,
Oh God! Give me some strength to fight,
Incredible strength of emotion and mind,

Deep down in my heart, I know there's hope,
And I know fortitude is the key of victory